CheezMissMe in this BLOG

I learned something from a stranger today.

She poked herself and smudged a little of her forehead on my glass door where I sit behind a desk, that I know will be the third to the last time. It was bright and sunny in Palm Beach this morning around 845 am maybe. So the lady inched closer, then finally invited herself inside the lobby and blurted, "I just really wanted to see what it's like in here, since I used to live here".

By this time, she caught my full attention since I'm all ears for the rich history of the hotel where I worked and how, what and why, that in between these walls, I feel conscious spirits still roaming the hallways day in and day out. I listened as she wandered her eyes in fascination looking up and down, around, and everywhere. It was as if she clearly pictured memories in her head in front of her while she told me stories of what the current restaurant, Trevini used to be, the E.R. Bradley's Saloon and how it was the best years of her life in Palm Beach to be a resident of the former Bradley House. It was a delight listening to her, it felt like an audiobook I randomly picked up from the library. There was something in her voice that I felt the authenticity from where I sat at that moment. For a moment, I straightened my posture from sitting and dove in the conversation and asked,

        "when was this, what year were you here?", she replied, "1992..I think, yeah, '92 was our first year here, and we stayed in room 308, and the Clarks used to own the building before the Levins bought it, and back then, we didn't have the stainless steel appliances, but we had a cute little stove burner and a small fridge, but it was lovely! It was cute! I really loved the 5 years we were here", she glanced and pursed her lips.

Then I sighed heavily, took a deep breathe and asked more questions. At this point, she was thrilled I was interested, me looking at her with this big smile on my face, yes--I was enthusiastic about the whole "palm beacher this, palm beacher that" (which to this day, I still feel a bit indifferent about people who brand themselves like that). It went on for the next 3 to 5 seconds and she said, "yup, they kept the room numbers, the layout, except for the upgraded appliances", continued, "you know..that E.R. Bradley's when they moved it to West Palm Beach will never be the same, it changed so much, I mean--some young folks would come into the place and point to the chair where they got engaged, where they met their husband...you know, it was great", then she closed her eyes a little bit then ended, "you know, those were great years and I was very happy in this place, and I just really wanted to see it, I haven't seen it for more than 20 years, today was the first time, so thank you...thank you for letting me in to see it..." 

Then, she walked out and was gone. I smiled and I think I was just staring too much to even bid and wave goodbye.

As soon as I snapped out of it, I realized how everything around us changes, moves on and, disappears. The only thing we have that really won't if not forgotten are our memories. We often hold on to them, both the good and the bad, beacuse no matter how many times you replay it in your head, it is the primary thing that can never be erased. This is no Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind, this is it.  You've done it, you've lived it, and when looking back to it, smile about it.

Goodbye, Bradley Park Hotel...maybe next time, I get to stay in this hotel as one of your guests and feel at home because for 8 months of my South Florida life, you were 60% part of it. 

 

 

Don't stop and smell the flowers, keep going and RUN to smell more.

Earlier this year, going somewhere was the main concern. We just thought that, maybe in another place, all will come into place. Unsettling to be somewhere else, you really think that you can find yourself. Lately, that does not seem like the case. Nowadays with enough internet access, time, space and places seem to be like an illusion, it's as if one day you're here and tomorrow you're there.

We all watch the sky and the sun from different point of views at different times, and we all watch it set just as it rose. We deny ourselves of trying things because we are afraid. We fear the feeling of fear. What we lack everyday is the courage to let go. Even as I write this, I am aprehensive of what I should write and what I should share, and if anyone will actually care really. Besides auto-correct, sometimes auto-sense is on you, and in this case...on me. My point? Well, it's been 6 or so months since I wanted to try this.

So, today I finally had the energy and will power to set my alarm early enough before the sun rises. Drowned my feet in my shoes I got ready the night before, and literally stumbled enough to reach the Keurig to make some strong bold coffee. Success! And off I drive to the infamous Palm Beach island, where the rich puts a different meaning on what it really means to be rich. Anyway, I parked a block away from the sunrise beach and carefully walked on the sand trying not to get any in my brand new socks I got from the holidays, and in my shoes (which I use at home for beach body workouts). Took pictures, as usual, of the sunrise, the clouds, the sky and inhaled the smell of the shores and listened to the tide while it was obviously low. The sky was equipped and methodically gloomy and overcast (a photographer's perfect lighting).

As soon as I got that done, I quickly went to the othe side of the island where the marina sits on the left and mansions on the right. I walked, skipped, hopped, marched, sprinted on the Palm Beach Trail with my EDM playlist called Plur on my iTunes. In the middle of the Biltmore condos and the Golf Course, maybe in between Bahama Lane and Country Club Road, I literally felt like my heart dropped. I gazed dreamily to my left and told myself, as beautiful as this island is, as peaceful and classy as it was, I thought of Lake Michigan and the Lake Shore Drive. Here I was, seeing what it is like to live like the richest people in the country, stepping foot where they usually walk, recongnizing that their backyards were comprised of private boat docks, the water filled inlet and fine grass, I felt a sense of loneliness. It was like a different planet for me, the feel of the people were detached and I felt like I didn't belong, and it didn't feel like home. So I headed back at the 2.5 mile mark, U-turned and dropped pin myself back to the Flagler Bridge and sprinted back to my car. I texted Kim and told her what I felt, I said--this wasn't as breathtaking as I thought it would be. I may be wrong, but the Chicago skyline and the LSD felt like a match made in heaven, magically Cupid by the Gods, compared to what I was seeing. It was overwhelming and it benchmarked some goals and future for what lies ahead. Sometimes, leaving may seem like the only option, until you've learned and realize you were always meant to come back, because what you've been looking for has been there all along. 

This whole moving from the Midwest to Southeast coast of Florida finally took its toll. And again, I say it all the time, and I'll say it again. It's not the destination, it's the journey...because, in the end--Dorothy was right, there's no freakin' place like HOME. 

Stay healthy but eat some deep fried Oreos.

I woke up and happen to browse on one of my friends and schoolmates from St. Scho and DLSU who passed away not even a year ago and thought, damn-- that was a well-lived life. Short, but well-lived life that averagely not even most of the middle-aged people would have achieved in a lifetime.
Inspired and motivated, I brewed some Colombian coffee and grabbed the iPad to write out here in the patio. Just like Caribou's pick-up line, "drink coffee, life is short, stay awake for it"-- and that's exactly what I want to do. My current boss at Bradley Park Hotel thinks I'm Miss Positivity, but what she doesn't know is why. Well, it's because of all the shitty things that happened in my life, I cannot help but appreciate the little and simple things today.
Namely, 1. Be happy when the weather changes. The rain doesn't mean you need to hide indoors. Get out and smell it and wait for the rainbow after the storm. These are the rare moments you can predict to see one!
2. Get a tan, wisely. Get your feet dirty, nails cracked, and step out in the sun---you are not a vampire. Wisely apply the highest suncreen and cocoa butter possible, but do get sunkissed. Living by the beach is a blessing and curse but I choose the better. Listen to the ocean, and tell me if this is a curse?
3. GeoTag your photos, you'll be surprised with the places you've walked, the nights you've spent in random hotels, the restaurants you've tried and food you've tasted. And yes, TAKE PICTURESand PHOTOGRAPH each other if it is the last thing you'll have to do.
4. Soundtrack, tag and bookmark what you've pandora'd. Shazam if you must while falling in love with television-background music. Google or even IMDB movie soundtracks and commercial music. This is a very important task for me in order to build your music library.
5. I mantra and meditate on free things in my life. Craigslist things. Bid on Ebay. Amazon books. Download eBooks from the library. Rip CDs from the public library. Sit by a coffee shop and steal some Wifi. Lay on the shore by Delray Beach and still get free Wifi. Look for free parking, or park after 6 and don't pay a dime. Watch a free movie at the park, but don't cross over theaters. Walk and visit the park. Bring a drink. Eat a sandwich with vegenaise. Refill 5-gallon water bottles and bring your own lunch.
6. Stay fit, stay healthy and stay strong. However, deep fried oreos and curly fries are not deadly. Live a little and order that malt-vanilla shake from 'steak n shake'. Consume candy and try finishing halloween and easter candy but regularly visit your dentist and floss daily. (yeah, right). Try to squat, jump, and walk. But don't forget to have fun.
7. Design your own space, color your world and write on your wall. Freehand if you must, but personalize your haven. Work together, brainstorm with your family and do it together.
8. Help a friend. No matter the distance, the hardship, the struggle, be presently involved not by gossip alone but by caring for one another. You want your friends to be successful and always be that shoulder to cry on. But be firm, truthful and honest. Trust me, this is all what every friend needs.
9. Say I LOVE YOU everyday, and always give kisses to the people you love especially to your partner and son. Enjoy life together with every chance you could, spend lazy sundays and active saturdays together. Travel in airplanes, buses and trains together. Decide to move together. Relocate and haul things together. But ALWAYS LIVE and STICK together.
10. Love what you do and never work a day in your life. Work hard, but drink cocktails. Buy the newest iPhone Gen, but earn it. Update and upgrade but stay humble.

Altogether, appreciate and keep love in your heart instead of hate. Really, all we need is love. Yes, you can't live off of just love, but love drives you to work harder and make sure each other and each one is comfortable making ends meet.

Having my family and not being alone is my number one blessing. No money can buy that, and realizing this took a long journey from Naperville to West Palm Beach.

If these walls could talk, you know.

 IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK...

              This piece of art may have been one of the hardest to bring down. I tore the sticky parts apart and cried a little inside. I looked while I reminisced each event and each picture...

 

I took them down, section by section, row by row, column per column...

 

   (emo mode)

 

 

I promise these pictures to stay in a box full of memories tucked in and kept clean...just in case we forget about them. I reminded myself why I loved photography in the first place, I get to freeze our moments and print them...and publish if I have to.

 

 

I'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find.

 

 

 

Down to the last picture standing....

 

 

 

         ...because we never raise our white flags up!

 

Even if the walls are empty, we all have each other in our memories....

 

We love you Skittles, thank you for being a part of our life. CHEERS TO CHICAGO! Let's make new memories in Miami!

 

...so this piece of art may have been the hardest to put down....since ANG MASAKIT SA KUKO MAGKUTKOT NG DOUBLE SIDED TAPE, AH!

 

 

Our 8th Year Anniversary

Officially, Kim had a plan about the whole anniversary date, and the 6th was just her "winging" it. She mentioned over the phone that we were 'officially' it, like she always had assumed back in '95 (hwekhwek). She said, "TAYO na, hindi mo lang alam...heheheh!" 

So, 8 years after--we celebrate our 8th year thinking in the beginning that, well...like it was always supposed to be.

Tonight, I've ran out of ideas to even pull a romantic evening. But, as basics would dictate it, I bought her flowers, cooked her prime, and of course--sweet wine from Napa Valley. All this, down under 30 minutes and while Ocean (luckily) got invited to an outdoor movie event for his classmate's brithday. 

It is as perfect as you want it to be, as blog-worthy as you want to remember...and as picture perfect as you want it kept in your memory.

So, cheers to us--Bublitz.  It was a bumpy road, but I was glad we never let each other's hand go. 

It's nice to celebrate what we've worked hard for every year. 

I Love You, Kim!

Hailey turns 10!

Something for Kim's friend's daughter....

 

 

 

Here you go Sam!

Earn it, before you claim it.

    She called frantically passed dinner, panting "Ocean can't breathe and I had to aspirate his nose manually because I had to help him breathe, he looks like he was turning blue", she said. 

    I was at the front desk at the Embassy Suites, it was 2005. She said she panicked and dialed 911, and when firemen came with their gear after a few minutes under 5, Ocean was well and back to his normal. I asked over the phone, "what do you mean you panicked, what was wrong?" She told me that, "I held him in my arms and the first instinct was to aspirate him because he can't breathe, his nose is stuffy", and I replied, "are you serious?"

    To this day, I will never forget the day I realized how unconditional love she could have for a child that not even blood could account for. I forgot about how we are related to each other by blood, but by love alone.

    Each day and waking moment, I am grateful for a partner who not only earned to be a parent, but owned it. Every year, we celebrate a day for mothers who gave birth to us, but let us think of those people who raised us too, who earned that title to be called a mother.

    My partner taught me love in its purest form, when I see her holding Ocean. Ever since he was still a baby and now turning 8, there were times that I would be at work during the afternoon shift. And sometimes when Ocean got sick she would rush him to the hospital, bring him to doctor's appointments, attend his plays and concerts at school just like any proud parent would, show up in parent-teacher conferences, and guide him with his home work when they got home.

    She cooks, she cleans, she trains, she teaches, and most of all she loves. Her name is KIM, the mother of my child. The term "mom" or "dad" is not a title you claim once you 'birthed' a child into the world, experience lets you earn it to claim it. I may have been in labor for 16 hours, but the rest of Ocean's life after birth, I will not sit alone in the labor room. 

 

Happy Mother's Day, Love! 

We Love YOU!

My Mowing Weekend in deep Grass.

    Despite efforts of believing that I know I can do it because of past history such as a backyard the bublitz had in Indianapolis, we eventually turned the tinie-weenie little backyard into a rock-filled garden, making sense of what I wanted it to be: a Zen Garden. Fail. Now, that was circa 2005. 

    I told myself, with hand and palms sweaty crossed together and linking my fingers, I said outloud: I will mow this lawn. The lawn being this:

In the picture: Ocean and Jensen

    This is a pre-mowed part of the surface area filled with Easter Eggs, and to ask how big the backyard is, I do not speak acre, however--let's say Kim and I filled it with more than 300 eggs, big and small. Now, upon filling the backyard with eggs, I look to the side and not notice the neighbor's grass is greener--because I definitely know mine is, plus there is no fence to refer to--I, however notice their grass-length was much SHORTER. In neighborly suburban speak, this means I should mow my lawn, or perhaps pay someone to do it, which I refuse to. I calculated four payments of $25.00 per mow to a "craigslist" found mower that was going to be around $100, and so there it was:

In the picture: Honda FIT fitting a 21 Mower 4.5hp *ahem*

    So, by Friday night of last week, I arrived home mower-less and thinking I have until early morning to produce a mower while Kim's at work and I have to seriously mow the lawn. I clicked the app Craigslist on my iPhone and the first picture to pop up was posted 30 minutes earlier. I e-mailed, left a phone number and the following day got the deal closed. So as easy as buying fried rice and picking up your order in your local chinese take-out, hello Lawn Mower. 

    ------

    Mowing is not easy.

    Mowing is not easy especially when you have the height of the mower in its super short length and your grass is super high. Thanks to Ocean he had the ability to lift the mower for me so I can adjust the height of this mower. This, mind you, was done after two laps back and forth of a bigger than olympic size pool backyard. Anyway, with the adjusted height, I felt relieved. Relieved because I am no longer considered stupid for not adjusting, and relieved that it was much easier to push, instead of pushing halfway and pulling halfway. (I wonder if anyone saw me doing it)--

See, even Mochi is enjoying her freshly cut grass---

In the picture: Toni gloved up left hand and Mochi

    Towards the end of my mowing experience, I learned a couple of things. Wearing laboratory goggles would not be a bad idea, also gearing up with flood proof plastic boots would be great (although that would ensure a heat stroke), having a cheer squad is also uplifting, just make sure your wife doesn't attempt to try out herself (I highly do not recommend this; it will promote friction in your relationship, meaning the grass will scratch her legs), and finally take footage of this endearing and inspiring motivational experience, in short, teach your son to a handheld video camera, then watch yourself and how funny you look while you push that mower. PUSH. PUSH. PUSH. Just like labor. Labor in the delivery room. :)

Weeds.

    In the end, I looked at the neighbors two houses down, he looks and I look while we both mow our lawns, I just push mine listening to Britney Spears in my playlist.

My Mochi and I. Let's do art together.

U Smile on One Sunday Afternoon.

10 Say Yes If You Love Me

    This is me and Ocean acting all bored waiting for Dada during a SUNDAY meeting for work. YES. SUNDAY. bleh.